Helping Friends Through Tough Times : What Moms Need

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Today for Mother’s Day, we are not going to give Moms more things to do, because your lives are already busy.  We’re going to talk about what Moms need and how you can help. We want to encourage you!

There are some things all of us can do to help Mom. The Bible tells us to honor our Mothers.

“Honor your father and mother.” Ephesians 6:2a NIV

This verse is in the Bible because God knows it’s vital for our spiritual health and emotional health to honor our parents. Even if your Mom is no longer alive, you can still honor her. Even if you didn’t know your mom or you had a terrible mom, you can still honor the fact that she labored to bring you into this world. We can honor all moms by seeing the importance of what they’re doing and helping them out in what they’re doing.

1.  Mom’s need patience. 

Teaching patience is the whole spectrum of being a mom. Here are four things about patience in the following four verses.

When you think about needing patience remember God understands. You are not alone, Moms. This verse is about how God was treated by the people in the Old Testament, see if you think God might be able to relate.

“Yet though He did all of this for them, they continued to test His patience.”   Psalm 78:56a  NLT

If you feel like your patience is being tested, God understands. None of us are perfect and we irritate each other.


Patience is an expression of love. Impatience doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids, the exact opposite is true. You have a choice to love your kids even when you’re feeling impatient. 

When you’re patient, although you feel impatient, that’s an incredible expression of love.

“Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 NLT

Love is choosing to be patient even when you’re irritated. Love is making allowance for someone else’s faults. Patience is an expression of love.


Patience is used by God. 

“For when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow, don’t try to squirm out of your problems. But when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.” James 1:3-4 TLB

Patience grows us. Moms are some of the most spiritually mature people on the planet, because they’ve had to be so patient with their children. That patience, the Bible says, enables us to be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.


God tells us to help each other. When you see someone struggling with patience and stress the Bible tells us to help each other. What can you do for your mom, for your wife, when her patience is being overly stressed?

“Do for others what you would like them to do for you.” Matthew 7:12 NLT 

This verse is a picture of the true nature of love. True love is not reciprocal. We don’t do something because someone did the same for you. We love regardless of what someone else did for you.

 When you see Mom stressed, instead of piling it on or running away, do something to help relieve that stress. That’s what you’d want done for you.

2.  Moms need appreciation

In the Bible you see people being appreciated, because we have a need for this.

“I thank my God every time I remember you.” Philippians 1:3 NIV

“Whenever we pray for you, we always begin by giving thanks to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Colossians 1:3 LB

You can appreciate your mom. Even if your Mom has passed away, you can still think back and remember her best qualities. What if you never knew your mom or you had a very difficult relationship with your mom? Appreciate the fact that she labored to bring you into this world. Appreciate the fact that you weren’t aborted. Appreciate the fact that you are alive. Even the smallest amount of honor that you can give is healthy for your soul.

If you Mom is still a part of your life, tell her thank you. Even a better, say, “I thank God for you.”

3.  Moms need a life.

When every event and sport is pulling at you as a family, parents, you’ve got to learn where to draw the line. Moms need a life.

“It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to His loved ones.”  Psalm 127:2 NLT

That’s the job description of most moms. Knowing that, we need to do everything we can to give our Moms the opportunity to live the life that Jesus says He wants to give. 

“I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” John 10:10 NAS

If we become so rushed and hurried that our lives become filled, then we don’t have time to connect with Jesus and enjoy the abundant life. That becomes what we model for our kids.

Here’s the invitation to us: Everyone of us who knows a mom, do everything you can to help mom be in a place where she can model the abundant life for their kids. That will have an impact.

4.  Moms need wisdom

With all the negative influence in our culture, Moms need wisdom. They need wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go. They need wisdom to know when to say “yes” and when to say “no.” They need wisdom when it comes to discipline, to know when and how.

God says He will give wisdom. 

“But if any of you need wisdom, you should ask God for it. He is generous and He enjoys giving wisdom to all people. He will give you wisdom.” James 1:5 NCV 

Pray for wisdom. One of the greatest things you can do for moms is pray for them.

“God has hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge in Christ.” Colossians 2:3 GW 

We need wisdom because it’s not easy raising kids. Hang on to God’s wisdom. 

5.  Moms need validation.

Proverbs 31 is the most famous chapter in the Bible about being a mom and being a wife. Take a look at how that chapter ends:

“Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise in the city gate.”  Proverbs 31:28-31 NIV

Notice the last two words, “city gate.” The city gate was the place of importance when this verse was written. In ancient times, the city gate was not just the doorway into the city, it was where everything important happened. Legal cases were tried there, government decisions were made there and business deals happened there. 

When this verse says, “Let her works praise her in the city gate,” it’s saying at the place of most importance.  For us it would be city hall, the floor of congress. This is reminding us to not let the importance of moms and what they do be some sort of side issue, she is what is really important.

Moms are building people. The Bible tells us that only people are going to last forever. Buildings don’t last forever. Companies don’t last forever. Your bank account certainly won’t last forever. But people last forever. 

When Satan puts a little thought in the back of your mind that makes you think what you are doing isn’t noticed or meaninful, that is a lie.

6.  Moms need communication.

Moms need talk and they need listening. The Bible tells us how to talk to anyone, including our Moms.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. But only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”  Ephesians 4:29 NIV

7.  Moms need rest.

Moms seem to have twin emotions, exhaustion and guilt. Exhaustion because they were doing too much and guilt because they felt like they aren’t doing enough.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28 NLT

There is a soul rest that you have to have in order to be a parent. If you’re not familiar with the story of Susanna Wesley from Christian history it’s a good story to be aware of.


Two of Susanna Wesley’s sons were Charles Wesley and John Wesley, founders of the Methodist movement. They changed Europe and then they changed America. They were greatly used of God. They grew up with ten kids in the household. Their mom knew she needed time to be alone with Jesus Christ. She found that time sometimes by finding a room where she could be alone, but with ten kids that was impossible a lot of the time.

So instead, she would take her apron and put it up over her head and the kids would know that meant Mom was now spending time with Jesus. All the kids knew that if you interrupted Mom when she was spending time with Jesus, you would go see Jesus.


8.  Moms need faith

Moms worry that they are worrying needlessly. Moms worry that their daily decisions will affect their kids for the rest of their lives. Moms need faith and Jesus offers faith.

Don’t be troubled. You trust in God, now trust in Me.” John 14:1 NLT

When you recognize that you need faith, don’t try to conjure it up through your own emotional energy. Lean on Me.  That’s what faith is.  It is a leaning on Me. When it feels like there is no where else to turn Jesus tells us to turn to Him. 

“Trust in Him at all times. Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8 NLT

Moms need faith for the big things.  The most difficult things in life. Moms also need faith for the everyday things. Faith when they are tempted to worry.

Every time you’re tempted to worry, recognize that it’s also an invitation to have faith.

The difference between worry and faith is where it takes you. With worry, when you worry it feels like you’re doing something, but in the end nothing gets done. When you put faith in God, many times at the beginning it doesn’t feel like you’re doing much, but everything will change because you’re putting faith in a God who can do everything.


Moms need faith, patience, appreciation, a life, wisdom, validation, communication, rest and faith. That’s a lot!

If we sum all this up in one word it would be repent.

Your mother needs you to repent! 

For a lot of us the word “repent” has become an angry word. Some people use it that way. Repent is one of the most beautiful, positive words in the Bible.

It just means to turn around, head in a different direction. It means God gives you a second chance and that God is giving you the opportunity for a new life. Things can be different.

So repent and change your heart and mind. It may be something as small as saying thank you for a meal when you haven’t done it for a long time. It might be something as radical as giving your life in faith to Jesus Christ, because of a mom who never stopped praying for you.


Check Back

Check back on your discussion from last week. What actions do you remember from your discussion about being a helpful  friend?

Listen to the sermon: online, iTunes podcast or Google Play Music

Hear the Word

Whether or not you are a mother, chances are pretty good that you had one. You may have had a good relationship with her or a bad one, or you may have never known her—but God still wants you to honor your mother. In Ephesians 6:2–3, Paul quotes Exodus 12:20 and says, “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Clearly, obeying this directive is in our own best interest.

Application

1.  Moms Need Patience

What does Psalm 78:56a say the Israelites persisted in doing to God?

  • What is it about children that they test the patience of their parents? Is this part of their role?

2. Moms Need Appreciation

3. Moms Need a Life

Psalm 127:2 gives us what reassurance when we are tempted to work around the clock?

  • What does the next verse (verse 3) say about children?
  • What is a practical thing you can do to help a mother have some time for herself?

4. Moms Need Wisdom

5. Moms Need Validation

How do the children mentioned in Proverbs 31:28–31 validate their mother?

  • Parents are responsible for building people. How can we validate the importance of that role?

6. Moms Need Communication

7. Moms Need Rest

Where does Jesus say we can find rest? See Matthew 11:28.

  • In our society, which encourages over-involvement in activities, how can we cope with the twin emotions that many parents feel—exhaustion because they are doing so much and guilt that they aren’t doing enough

8. Moms Need Faith

The sum total of these eight findings leads us to one conclusion: what your mom needs most is the same thing your heavenly Father desires most—and that is for you to repent. That’s not a harsh or angry word, but a loving word. To repent means we need to think differently about God, about life, and about people. To repent is to make a u-turn, change your mind, turn around and walk the other way.

Where do you need to turn your life around? Of whom do you need to think differently? People who have witnessed great transformation will tell you that behavior comes before attitude. So determine to do something this week that honors your mother or another who has played a parental role in your life. Let the group know what you have in mind and plan to share the outcome at your next session. Ask God to reveal to you, in time, how this action has changed your life.

 

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Helping Friends Through Tough Times : How To Help Your Friends (part 2)

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In last week’s post gave us 3 ways to how to help your friends through tough times. Let’s walk into our frienships inspired and equipped to help. 

Our first 3 responses to our friend’s hurt are:

1. Show up

In the midst of all the texts and calls and emails, close friends show up. Crises often deepen and define relationships.

2. Share their pain

You don’t have to adopt their pain, but you can carry some of the burden and show compassion. You may not understand exactly what they’re feeling and going through, but you can carry some of the weight of the pain and the crisis with them.

3. Support them with prayer

Prayer makes a difference. That’s how you strengthen people spiritually. 

These three things plus the four we look at today can be applied to any crisis. The loss of a loved one, a bankruptcy, an illness… but these can be specifically applied to helping someone through a divorce or loss of a relationship. Many of us know or will know someone who goes through that.

As much as the loss of a relationship hurts, God’s healing and grace can reach the darkest places.

God calls us to be agents of His grace.

Here’s the the fourth thing you do as a friend, when you’re helping a friend through a crisis,

4. Start with forgiveness

Forgiveness is the most important issue that your friend is going to have to deal with in a crisis. When we don’t deal with forgiveness, it eats us alive. There are three common emotions that happen in the loss of a relationship: anger, guilt and bitterness.

These emotions are worse than the crisis, because you can carry those the rest of your life and they will make you a different person. The antidote to anger, guilt and bitterness are the same. The antidote is forgiveness.

Ask for forgiveness, accept forgiveness and offer forgiveness. 

Maybe you feel like they don’t deserve forgiveness. Forgiveness is not about justice, it’s about getting on with your life. It’s about becoming like Christ. It’s about not being controlled by them anymore.

If you stay angry at them and bitter toward them, you’re going to be controlled by them the rest of your life. You can help a friend learn forgiveness with these three steps.


  • Help your friend stop fixing the blame.

Blaming has never solved a problem, made you feel better or lessened anyone’s pain. We’ve got to let it go. We’ve got to stop saying, “It’s all their fault or it’s all my fault.”

“You may tear out your hair in anger, but will that destroy the earth? Will it make the rocks tremble?” Job 18:4 NLT

This verse is saying that we’re only hurting ourselves with our anger. It doesn’t actually change anything.

We live in a broken world.  Nothing works right on this planet. That’s why we’re praying for heaven. You stop trying to fix the blame.

  • Help your friend confess their sins.

They will never be healed until they own up to their part. They’ve got to confess their sins and ask for forgiveness. That’s the second step to healing.

“My guilt overwhelms me—it is a burden too heavy to bear. But I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.” Psalm 38:4,18 NLT

Ask forgiveness from God and ask forgiveness from someone else to get rid of the guilt.

  • Help your friend offer forgiveness to those who have hurt them.

Not because they deserve it, that’s not the issue of forgiveness. Forgiveness is how you grow to become like Christ.

“Get rid of all bitterness… forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 NLT

In a divorce you will probably need to forgive other people besides your ex-spouse.  You will have to forgive some cruel in-laws, some judgmental friends, you may have to forgive someone who stole your spouse.

Martin Luther King once said “Bitterness is blindness.” Bitterness blinds you to the truth. When you are bitter you don’t see things as they really are. You have a skewed vision of reality.

One of the truths you don’t see when you’re bitter is that God can take every bad thing in your life and use it for good if you’ll give it to Him. You don’t see the truth, but God can take even the stupid mistakes you’ve made, even your willful disobedience and He can turn it around and use it for good in your life, if you’ll give it Him.

The pain is not going to stop until you accept the forgiveness of God and you offer the forgiveness to somebody else.


5.  Suggest accepting reality

Help your friend accept reality, how things really are, not the way they wish them to be or like them to be. Friends often have to tell the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.

Help them accept the fact that the past is passed and it isn’t going to change. No matter what you do, no matter how much you dislike the past or want to rewrite it, the past has passed.

Acceptance is the only way to peace. God’s purpose has never been changed by the pain in your life. No matter what happens in your life it never changes God’s purpose. God does not have a Plan B for your life, God has a Plan A for your life.

Even before you were born he already knew what was going to happen in your life.  The stupid decisions you would make and other people would make that would harm you and He still chose to love you and he still chose to create you. He still sent his Son to die for you and He still wants you in heaven with Him.

The fact is, life has to go on and acceptance is the only way to peace of mind and emotional healing.

In 2 Samuel 12, is a story about a man named David. David was the king of Israel and wrote most of the book of Psalms. During one of the darker periods of David’s life, he had an affair. He committed adultery with one of his general’s wives while his general was out on the battlefield serving him. That woman’s name was Bathsheba and she found out she was pregnant. To hide it from his general, David had the general put on the front line so he would be shot with an arrow first in war.

So David was not just an adulterer, he was a murderer. Bathsheba bore that child and after the child was born, became very ill. David grieved over this child. He fasted and prayed for days that the baby would live.

“David begged God to spare the child. He went without food and lay all night on the bare ground. The elders of his household pleaded with him to get up and eat with them, but he refused.

Then on the seventh day the child died. David’s advisers were afraid to tell him. ‘He wouldn’t listen to reason while the child was ill,”’they said. ‘What drastic thing will he do when we tell him the child is dead?’

When David saw them whispering, he realized what had happened. ‘Is the child dead?’ he asked. ‘Yes,’ they replied, ‘he is dead.’

Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate.

His advisers were amazed. ‘We don’t understand you,’ they told him. ‘While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.’

David replied, ‘I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live. But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.’” 2 Samuel 12:16-23

What did David do with his grief? He didn’t second guess himself or resign from life. When the baby died, he accepted reality. Here we see three things we need when accepting a crisis.


  • Accept what can’t be changed

The baby wasn’t coming back so David said there’s no use me mourning any more. Now, in this unique scenario where David did the mourning and grieving before. Mourning is a healthy thing.

  • Play it down and you pray it up.

Don’t exaggerate the crisis, dedicate it, surrender it. After the baby died, David goes to church. He gets up, he gets washed and goes to the tabernacle to worship. When you have pain, you need to be where you’re going to get spiritual nourishment, encouragement and the promises of God.

  • Focus on what’s left, not what’s lost

God isn’t finished with you. He still has plans for your life and He’s not through with you.


6.  Strengthen their faith

A divorce or any other major crisis shakes your faith, but it is your faith and trust in Christ that’s going to get you through it.

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD…” Psalm 27:13 NASB

Even in those situations, where life stinks and it seems all dark and black, you still believe the sun is shining even when it’s dark. You believe that God is a good God, even when everything is going wrong in life.

How do you get that kind of faith? The kind that sees pain and hurt and yet can still say that God is good. The Bible tells us there is a place to strengthen your faith, it comes from holding on to the promises of God. God’s promises are found in His word.

The single most important habit in developing stability against stress, is to memorize verses of the Bible. Because when you need the word most, you don’t have a Bible or don’t know where to go in the Bible. In the crises of life it’s not likely you’re going to be carrying a Bible, so you need to hide it in your heart.

“So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17 NKJV

It is the word of God, the word of Christ, that builds your faith. Saturate your mind with the word of God.

“I have hidden your word in my heart…” Psalm 119:11 NIV

What is banked in the vault of your heart? The promises of God?

We remember whatever is important to us. We also remember what we hear often. This is why we remember stats, recipes, songs and phone numbers. If the word of God matters, we’ll find ways to memorize it.

“I lie in the dust; revive me by your word.” Psalm 119:25 LB

Let’s revive one another with the word. That’s how you help a friend and strengthen people with the word.

7.  Speak words of hope

Be a hope pusher, a hope dispenser, a purveyor of hope. Friends speak words of hope. Friends point out that you’re going to make it. 

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” Philippians 1:6 NLT

Christ Jesus is returning, but He’s not back yet. That means God is not finished with you. Keep growing.

During a crisis, don’t focus on God solving the situation, focus on becoming a man or woman of God. Develop new habits and you break old habits.

Jesus Christ can heal your heart and restore your joy, but you’ve got to surrender it all to Him.

“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.” Job 11:13-16 NIV

Who do you need to be a friend to this week? Who do you need to show up in their life, share their pain and pray with?

Who will you be a friend to this week? 


Check Back

Check back on your discussion from last week. What do you remember from your discussion about the first three points of this message. Show up. Share their pain. Support them with prayer. Take a moment to review any assignments/challenges made during the personal application section of your previous meeting.  Seeing God at work in the lives of those who commit to him is essential for growth.

Listen to the sermon: online, iTunes podcast or Google Play Music

Hear the Word

Read Philippians 1

Application

4. Start with forgiveness

  • How can you help a friend understand how their anger is affecting him or her?
  • According to Psalm 38:4, what is David burdened by? How does David respond in Psalm 38:18?
  • What are some practical questions that could be asked to help a friend confess?
  • Have you known someone who could not forgive?  How did that bitterness affect your friend?

5. Suggest accepting reality

  • 2 Samuel 12:16-23 tells us about how David acted during the illness of his child.  How did he respond to the child’s death?
  • Help your friend accept what cannot be changed. What are some examples of unchangeable past events or acts that a friend may have to accept?
  • Help your friend play it down and pray it up. David turned to the Lord after the death of his child.  What are ways we can help others connect with God when they are hurting over their relationships?
  • Help your friend focus on what is left, not what is lost. Who could be affected if your friend continues to focus on what is lost?

6. Strengthen their faith

  • Psalm 27 shows us that David was experiencing a trying time in his life.  How does David respond in Psalm 27:13?
  • According to Romans 10:17, what results from reading or hearing the Word of Christ?
  • What are ways we can prepare to use the Word of God to help friends when they need it?
  • What Biblical resources can we direct those in need to?

7. Speak words of hope

  • According to Philippians 1:6, what will God do for you until it is finished?
  • An event like a divorce can make a friend feel like his or her spiritual progress has stopped.  What ways can you help show that God has not given up on him or her?
  • Job 11:13-16 tells of a way to defeat fear and misery.  What is it?

Tell Someone Else

We need to put love in action and encourage friends who are experiencing a separation or divorce from their spouse. It’s our job as true friends to care, be aware and be there for them. Remind them that God is not through with their lives. Encourage them to completely surrender their lives to God – all the emotions, the bitterness – to ask for His forgiveness and that he fill them with hope for the future. Pray for hidden hurts, for healing, and for God to help those experiencing difficult times through their pain.

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Helping Friends Through Tough Times : How To Help Your Friends (part 1)

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Sometimes when the people around us are struggling, we feel powerless to help. We aren’t sure how we can help our friends through tough times. How many people around us would say they know in a crisis that we would be there for them — whatever it took? We want to know how we can help people know God, find freedom, discover purpose and make a difference in someone’s life during those tough seasons. The Bible tells us that wise friends are a gift from God. It also tells us about the characteristic of a friend.

“Two are better than one… If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV

“Friends love through all kinds of weather.” Proverbs 17:17 MSG

In 1967 there were a couple of very well known psychiatrists who did a study correlating the connection between stress and illness. Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe did a study of 5,000 medical patients. They developed a scale of 43 common stressful events and assigned them numbers from one (no stress) to a hundred (the most stressful thing you can do in life). They discovered that anybody with over three hundred points of stress was at risk of developing a major illness during that year. 

Based on the study they concluded the most stressful event in life was the death of a spouse. The second most stressful event is a divorce from a spouse. The third most stressful event in life is a separation from a spouse. It’s powerful that either by death or by divorce the end of a marriage is about the most painful thing you can go through in life. We want to learn to be good friends to those who may be dealing with the loss of a relationship. There are some principles that we can use to help our friends who may be going through a devastating time, specifically the loss of a relationship, but these principles are also transferrable to many different struggles our friends may face. 


How To Help Your Friend

1. Show up

When your friend is going through a tough time they’re going to get emails, cards, texts, calls, and opinions. Real friends show up when they are in that crisis. It’s in a crises that your friendship is defined with the other person. Crises can make, define and bond friendships. The Bible says that even when people turn their back on God they still deserve to have friends.

“When desperate people give up on God Almighty, their friends, at least, should stick with them.” Job 6:14 MSG

God says even when they turn their back on Him we should still befriend them. The first thing everybody needs in a crisis is other people. They don’t need hundreds or even dozens, they need a support group of mature Christian brothers and sisters who are there to love, care, comfort, encourage, support and meet needs.

Maybe you say, Wait a minute! Don’t you need to pray first?” Of course, if you can! But the truth is in a crisis you’re usually in so much stress and shock you don’t even know what to pray. Sometimes you can’t even think straight in a crisis. It’s at that point that you need other people around you praying and believing for you.

This is what happened in the story of Job. He was the wealthiest man in the world, but in one day he lost everything.  He lost all his wealth, his family, and his own health. Job’s friends did the right thing when this first happened to him. 

“When Job’s three friends… heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.” Job 2:11 NIV

They formed a small group. They decided they were just going to show up and be with Job, their friend. And that’s how we can help our friends. If you’ve earned that right in their life, you show up. So often we say if you need anything let me know. But in a crisis they don’t have the vision to delegate. They don’t need to come up with stuff for you to do. If they don’t have anyone else showing up, you show up. Just help.

2. Share their pain

There is an interesting thing about pain and about joy. When you share a joy it gets multiplied. If you tell someone something good that has happened in your life and they celebrate with you, then it’s doubled. It’s the opposite with pain, when we share a pain it’s not doubled, it’s halved. All of a sudden I’m not sharing the pain all myself.  Another person is helping carry the load. 

When you share joy it’s doubled. When you share pain it’s halved. 

The ultimate form of love is compassion. Compassion says, “I’ll do anything I can to stop your hurt.” When you read the Bible you’ll find that Jesus was repeatedly moved with compassion. This included Him going to cross to die for us. It does not mean you have to take on a friends pain or dysfunction into your life. You don’t have to have the pain to be able to share their pain. In fact, God may have put you in their life because you’re strong where they are weak and they’re strong where you are weak. You don’t have to go through a tough time to share a tough time. Compassion is exactly what Job’s friends did right at first as well.

“When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.” Job 2:12 NIV

That was a Middle Eastern way of showing sorrow, mourning. They’re identifying with Job and sharing the pain but that doesn’t mean that they had to go destroy their home or put themselves in the same situation as Job.

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:13 NIV

Job’s friends showed up and they stayed quiet. They didn’t give any pious platitudes or offer advice to try and talk him out of his pain. Good friends are not really quick to give advice. They make sure the other person is actually heard. 

3. Support them with prayer

When friends are going through a divorce, a death, a bankruptcy or anything else you will want to pray with them and you’ll want to pray for them. It takes great faith to respond to situations with prayer. Sometimes we might ask why we pray if God already knows the future and is in control of everything. We pray for a variety of reasons.

First, scripture tells us prayer is a form of serving God and obeying Him. God commands us to pray. Reading through the gospels we can see Jesus thought it was worthwhile to pray. Ephesians 6 tells us prayer is the means of strengthening others spiritually. It shares that prayer is not about getting God to do our will on Earth, rather prayer is how God’s will gets done on earth. Prayer is how we discern His will.

In one sense, prayer is like sharing the gospel with people. We do not know who will respond to the message of the gospel until we share it. In the same way, we will never see the results of prayer unless we pray. A lack of prayer demonstrates a lack of faith. We pray to demonstrate our faith in God. And prayer is our primary means of seeing God work in other people’s lives. Because it is our means of God’s power.

There are three verses that give us three ways to pray for a friend who’s hurting. The first thing you want to pray for a friend is, “Lord, help them recognize your presence.” When someone is going through a tough time, especially a situation like a relationship ending, they feel very alone. But God draws close when our heart is breaking.   

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”    Psalm 34:18 NIV 

The second thing you want to pray is,“Lord, help them receive your grace.” Grace is the power to see it through. Grace sustains and is the energy to help you keep going when you feel like giving up. It is the power to change. And God’s grace in your life is what you  need when you’ve got nothing to give. We can come to God for help, and we receive that kind of grace to stand up under sorrow and stress.

“Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 NIV

The third thing you pray is, “Lord, help them to release their pain.” You encourage them to cry out to God. Crying out to God means coming before Him passionately and telling him exactly how you feel. There’s a prayer that we have probably prayed at least a million times our lives. “Help! God, help me! I don’t know what to do! I don’t know where to go! You’ve got to help me in this!” That’s called crying out to God and He loves it when you cry out to him. 

“I cry out to the Lord; I plead for his mercy. I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles. For I am overwhelmed, and you alone know the way I should turn…” Psalm 142:1-6 NLT

It is okay to complain to God, He wants to hear your complaints. In fact, he’d rather have you complain to him than other people. The reason you have emotions is because God gave them to you. God has emotions and you were made in God’s image. This is important because when you’re going through a crisis or you’ve got a friend going through a crisis, you are a bundle of emotions. You’re going to feel hurt, rejection, despair, frustration, regret, and failure. In those moments God wants you to bring those emotions and express those to Him. 


Check Back

Check back on your discussion from last week. What do you remember from your discussion about looking to the cross to remember God is for you and forgiven you? Or the empty tomb that reminds you of God’s promise for your future?

Listen to the sermon: online, iTunes podcast or Google Play Music

Hear the Word

Spend some time in the word. Read Job chapters 1 & 2 and Psalm 142.

As the title indicates, this series will lead us through how to support and help a friend through a difficult time. This week we’ll look at our first three responses when a friend is in a crisis. Next week we’ll look at four more.

Application

1. SHOW UP.

  • Friends walk in when everyone else walks out. How can just being there for someone make an impact?
  • How can a friend comfort another friend when trouble occurs?
  • Why is it important to have dependable friends before a crisis happens?

2. SHARE THEIR PAIN.

  • How can the sympathy of a friend ease some of the pain we feel when we are in trouble?
  • Why might it be important to be aware of some boundaries when sharing pain? What are some wrong ways to share pain?
  • Just sitting down with a friend can make a huge difference. What are some of the excuses we might use that prevent us from sitting with a friend in crisis?

3. SUPPORT THEM WITH PRAYER.

  • What does Psalm 34:18 say about the Lord?
  • Why do people sometimes turn from God when they get divorced instead of running to him?
  • How can it make a difference when a brokenhearted person hears their friend praying for them?
  • Why do people hesitate to “honestly tell it the way they feel,” like King David does, when it comes to praying?

Tell Someone Else

What friend in your life is going through a tough time? How can you use these first three steps?

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Looking Up : Easter at Rock Brook

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On Easter Sunday morning, the first person who saw Jesus alive, was a woman named Mary Magdalene. Since Saturday was the Sabbath, Jewish law didn’t allow them to prepare the body for burial. They had to just stick Jesus’ body in the grave. They would often have many people buried in them. But Jesus’ grave had never been used, it was borrowed from a very wealthy man.

So early on Sunday morning, Mary Magdalene went to the grave to anoint the body with spices as they did in the Middle East in those days.

“Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot. 

They asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?

They have taken my Lord away,’ she said, ‘and I don’t know where they have put him.’ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

He asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?’

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.’

Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’ She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, ‘Rabboni!’ (which means ‘Teacher’)…

Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: ‘I have seen the Lord!’ And she told them that he had said these things to her.”  John 20:11-18 NIV

Jesus asked Mary two very important questions:

  • Why are you crying?
  • Who are you looking for?

Mary was crying because she was grieving a loss of her friend. When you’re grieving you often don’t think clearly and see clearly. It clouds our vision. It limits our perspective. God was standing right by her and she didn’t even see Him.

When you’re going through the dark, Jesus is standing right next to you.

Mary thought it was hopeless. But Jesus changes everything with one single word. He calls out her name – Mary. In one word He said, “It’s me. I know who you are. I know you by name. I know where you’re hurting. I care about that pain and I can do something about it.”

And Jesus Christ does the same thing to you today. No matter where you’re hurting, Jesus knows who you are, He knows your name. He knows where you are hurting and He can do something about it.

This Easter, ask yourself the two questions Jesus asked Mary:

  • What are you grieving? What causes you disappointment?
  • What are you looking for?

What do you think is going to meet all your needs? If the answer is anything besides God, you’re going to be disappointed once again. You’re looking to the wrong place.

Things only start looking up when we start looking up.

You don’t have to try and muster up hope today. All you have to do is shift your eyes and see God who is seated on his throne today.

God isn’t standing, He’s not pacing or worried and there is not one ounce of anxiety in God today. When we look to Him, we find relief. This is true hope.

Most people don’t understand hope. Hope is not some wishful thinking about the future. Hope knows it’s bad, but believes God can bring us through whatever situation we are in. Hope believes God is in control. Hope is a person. His name is Jesus.

When you need real hope, you can look at couple of places.

1. When you look to the cross it reminds you that God is for you and can be forgiven of all your sin.

Have you experienced God’s forgiveness for your sins, regrets and failures?

“You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.”  Colossians 2:13-14 NLT

Sin is not simply being bad person. Sin is rebelling against God, it’s putting other things before God. Why did Jesus have to die to forgive us of our sins and make us right with God? Look at what the pay-off for our sin is…

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 6:23 NIV

Sin doesn’t make you bad. It makes you dead.

When Jesus died on that cross, He paid the penalty for sin. Now you don’t have to pay the penalty. Hell isn’t a place God sends people that he’s mad at, it’s a place people go to pay the wage for themselves. But you don’t have to. Thank God for the cross.

“Your sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.”  Hebrews 10:17 NIV

A God who knows everything, has somehow limited Himself to choose to forget our sin. That’s the power of the cross. It applies to all of my past, current and future sin. Have you received this forgiveness or are you still carrying around the penalty for your sin?

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:8–9 NIV


The night before Jesus went to the cross, He was in agony. He was sweating blood. Not because of all the physical torture He was about to go through, although that was great, it was because He was about to take on all of the guilt of the world.

If there were any other way for you to be saved from hell and get into heaven, besides Jesus dying on the cross, God would not have wasted the effort. This is the only way you’re going to make it. You can’t earn it, Christ has to earn it for you and give it to you.

God is for you and He’s not holding anything against you. What if you really believed the power of forgiveness flows from the cross, not from you trying to be better?

The other thing we look to today is the empty tomb, because it doesn’t end at the cross.

2. When you look to the empty tomb, it reminds you of God’s promise for your future.

A tomb is where you store dead things. There seems to be such a finality to it. But in reality, the tomb was just a temporary inconvenience on the path to where Jesus was going.

A closed tomb couldn’t hold what God had in store for His future.

They put a stone over it and put a Roman guard around it. But nothing could stop the plans God had for Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit. God has the same plans for you and nothing can thwart those plans.

Jesus didn’t stay in the tomb, we’re not staying there either. Even with your sins forgiven and God being for us, life will throw you a curve ball every once-in-a-while. Because this is earth, not heaven.

But where you are is not where you are going. Where you’ve been is not where you’re going to be. It doesn’t even compare.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9 NLT

This verse is talking about heaven, the place where there is no more crying or pain. No more sickness, hurts, hang ups and no bad habits.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  2 Corinthians 4:16–18 NIV


Why did Jesus have to come back to life, wasn’t the cross enough? The cross wouldn’t mean anything without a resurrection. Jesus would have been just another amazing person who died. But Christ’s resurrection didn’t just do something amazing for Him, it did something amazing for us.

“But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep.” 1 Corinthians 15:20

Because Jesus rose from the dead, death isn’t even death any more. It’s just like falling asleep, because Jesus conquered it. Just like Jesus rose, everyone will rise. That’s the power of the King of kings.

Every king in this world gets a grave.

King Tut has a grave, he died in 1323 BC.

Zerxes has a tomb. He claimed to be the most powerful man alive until he died in 465 BC. In Zerxes tomb, are buried four mighty kings who we find in the story of scripture. Darius I, Artezerxes I, Darius II and Zerxes I are all buried there.

Every king gets a grave.

At Westminster Abbey in London you can see the tombs of multiple kings and queens. Every king and every queen gets a grave.

In Paris you can see the tomb of Napolean.

When Jesus was born, King Herod, who was the ruler over Palestine was trying to kill off the baby Jesus who they said was the king of the world. King Herod has the power to exterminate a whole nation of children under a certain age. Not long after he made that proclamation, he prepared for his death and built The Herodian. He died in 4 BC and not long ago his sarcophagus was found and you can see it in the Israel museum.

When Jesus was born, a decree went out from Ceasar Augustus that the whole world should be taxed. He was the most powerful man in the world. He reigned as the emperor from 27 BC until AD 14 and then he died. He’s buried today in the mausoleum of Augustus in Rome, Italy, and you can go see where the emperor lay. You can find Tiberius, who was the emperor of Rome from 14 AD to 37 AD, in that same mausoleum.

But the one they tried to kill early and the one they ultimately thought they crushed on that Friday, rose up out of a borrowed tomb on Easter Sunday and you can’t travel to any spot on earth to see the place where Jesus’ body lay.

Because kings, queens, emperors and rulers all have tombs, but there is no grave that can hold the King of kings, King Jesus.

He is not there, look up!

To every one of us today that steps into that place where Jesus was raised. For everyone of us that joins with His story. We will rise too.


Did you know the word “cemetery”, where we’re all going, is the exact same word, in its etymology, as the word “dormitory”.

  • Dormitory: A place you rent for a short time for rest.
  • Cemetary: A plot you rent for a short time for rest.

Your body only rests because your spirit, if you know Jesus, is already joined together with Him. When Jesus comes back, He is going to raise your body, roconnect it with your spirit and in a perfect state, you will be with God in heaven forever.

It’s why they put Jesus in a borrowed tomb. You don’t need to buy one if you’re Jesus. You don’t have to take a pilgrimage somewhere to see your King and Savior, because He is not there. He’s alive.

Like He was with Mary, He’s closer than you think. What He is offering is the same power that raised Him from the dead, can raise you from the dead and raise you up out of hell, too.

You can know from this moment on, that because He lives, you live. They may put your body in a dorm room for awhile, but you are going to rise victorious and the grave cannot be your final resting place because the King of kings is alive in you.


So how should we respond to the resurrection?

1. Believe that Jesus is who He said He was.

It’s so easy to sin and be separated from God. We were born into it. But thank God He made it simple to be saved. You believe. It’s faith. It’s trust.

“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9 NIV

2. Receive the hope He gives.

Don’t reject God any longer. Receive the hope he offers. Receive the love he has for you.

“Peter replied, ‘Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.’”  Acts 2:38 NIV

Christ is in you by way of the Holy Spirit. You can be baptized as a symbol that says you are in. When you get immersed in the water, you say, “I’m in on the death, the burial and the resurrection of Jesus. When Christ went down, I went down. But now that Christ lives, I can live a new life as well.”

3. Become the person you were created to be.

God created a spiritual family. It’s called the church.

“To all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.” John 1:12 NIV

We’re here to help you become the person God created you to be. We’re here to help you live as a child of God.


Check Back

Check back on your discussion from last week. What do you remember from your discussion? Were you able to make a way for anyone else to experience Easter?

Listen to the sermon: online, iTunes podcast or Google Play Music

Hear the Word

Read: Luke 24

Most people don’t understand hope. Hope is not some wishful thinking about the future. Hope is not optimism. Optimism is psychological; hope is theological. Optimism is personal trust in yourself; hope is personal trust in God. Optimism is what you think you can do. Hope is what you think God can do. Optimism is often a denial of reality. It’s positive thinking, not permanent trust. Sometimes optimism just denies the facts. Hope never does that. Hope is always real. Hope says, “It’s bad; it’s really, really bad. In fact I don’t think it’s been any worse than it is right now. But I believe God can bring us through this. I believe God is in control.”

Where do you get real hope? You get it from God. You get it from the cross and the empty tomb.

Application

Did anything come to mind when asked, “What are you grieving?”

1. When I look to the cross it reminds me that God is for me and I can be forgiven of all my sin.

  • Have you asked for God’s forgiveness for your sins and regrets?
  • Are you allowing yourself to receive God’s forgiveness, or are you still carrying the burden?
  • Do you believe God is for you, or do you feel that He is often against you?
  • Christ commands his blessings be given to those who believe in him. If you decided to see God’s favor in your life, how would that change the way you live every day?

2. When I look to the empty tomb it reminds me of God’s promise for my future.

  • Christ guaranteed you a hope and a future. Would you say you are living with that in mind?
  • Are your eyes focused on Heaven or the tomb.

Tell Someone Else

Look over the three responses to the resurrection. How have you responded to the resurrection? What is your next step? Where is God leading you? How can your small group support you? When you take your next steps, it encourages others to do the same.

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